How To Forgive And Forget: The Truth About Forgiveness

Much has been said about forgiveness throughout the ages. Despite all the spiritual and self-help advice we receive, however, most people still find it very difficult to forgive.
While we often say the words "I forgive you" or "let's forget and move on," still deep within our hearts we are not really letting go of most of the anger and blame we feel against someone who may have seriously wronged us. This can result in ongoing personal suffering that, for some, continues to last throughout their lifetime.
The reason why most spiritual and self-help advice about forgiveness doesn't help is because it doesn't delve deeply enough into the actual causes of our anger and blame in the first place. When you correctly understand the true causes of anger in human beings, you begin to deeply appreciate that the most important causes of anger and resentment lie mainly within us, and not with the behavior of others or whatever may have happened in the past.
These internal causes are anger-producing thought patterns and action patterns that become triggered within in our bodies. Often, these internal thought patterns and action or behavior patterns produce "false internal realities" within us that we automatically assume to be true, but that have little correspondence to the truth about what really happened. But we end up getting angry and holding on to our anger anyway, because our bodies automatically assume that all of these "internal realities" are indeed true.
For example, automatic anger-producing thoughts such as "someone did something they shouldn't have done" or "I was hurt or harmed by what happened" or "the other person was unilaterally to blame for what occurred" are frequently incorrect. As a result of these mistaken "internal realities," we conclude that a crime has been committed and that someone should apologize, offer to make amends, and/or be punished. When none of these things occur, or sometimes even when they do, we may find it very difficult to forgive.
There is no way you can "let go" of your anger or truly forgive the past as long as "false internal realities" remain unchallenged within you. You cannot pretend "all is forgiven" when you are certain that: a) you were seriously harmed; b) the other person (or yourself) was unilaterally to blame; and c) this person should have done something different.
THE SECRET TO TRUE FORGIVENESS IS TO CHALLENGE YOUR INTERNAL ASSUMPTIONS THAT LEAD YOU TO BELIEVE AN UNFORGIVABLE CRIME WAS ACTUALLY COMMITTED IN THE FIRST PLACE.
The best way to do this is to recognize where your automatic assumptions, which are causing your anger and resentment, are false or misleading. Once you challenge and disprove these "false internal realities," your anger and resentment will quickly disappear, without you having to do anything to try to force this to happen.
Even when a true crime, such as a theft or murder was committed, it is still possible--although not easy--to forgive the offending party. This can sometimes be done by challenging your automatic assumption that the person should have "known better" or should have behaved in a different manner.
Copyright (c) 2013 M.C.Orman, M.D., FLP

Doc Orman, M.D. is a physician, author, stress coach, and founder of The Stress Mastery Academy. To learn more about his advice on how to forgive, as well as how to solve other lingering stress or anxiety problems, visit http://stressandanxietysolutions.com

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Doc_Orman_M.D.

What Are the Diamonds in Your Life?

"We tend to forget that happiness doesn't come as a result of getting something we don't have, but rather of recognizing and appreciating what we do have." - Fredrick Koeing
They say, "Diamonds last forever." And, that statement is true. Their brilliance and shine and value never diminish or go away. But, what typically doesn't last forever is our appreciation of these little gems.
In a way, their brilliance, shine and value are equal to the first day they came into your world. But for some reason the excitement and happiness you felt when they first became yours fades with time and the bling factor becomes just another thing factor.
STUFF AND THINGS
Think about how you felt when you got your new car. Were you excited? Did you love that new-car smell? Did it feel great riding around in it? Now how do you feel when you get in your car? Do you feel the same way?
What about when you bought your new home or some piece of furniture in your new home? Or, what about those new shoes, or that new sports equipment or new clothes?
Or the collectible thing-a-ma-jiggers you love? Or your vacation home or your boyfriend/girlfriend now husband/wife, the day your kids were born and all of the other diamonds that have come into your life with anticipation and excitement.
Think about how you felt then and how you feel now about those very same things. Do they hold the same value to you, or have you lost your appreciation of their value? It's more commonly known as taking things for granted.
Why does that happen? And, how do you get back those feelings of excitement when those feelings are buried along with the treasures that are right in front of you?
GRATITUDE
It's called appreciating the little things in your life. I think of it as re-looking at all the good that surrounds you.
All of those people and things that once made you so happy and excited when first receiving them can still make you feel that way if you stop for a second and REALLY look at them instead of glossing over them as they fade in the distance or they become a non-thing in your peripheral vision.
It only takes a millisecond to remember. It only takes a second to say, "Thank You" to the Universe, God or you Higher Consciousness.
Start every day by taking a minute to look around you and be thankful for all of the little treasures you've accumulated that make your home a home. Close your eyes and whisper, "Thank You" and send out a blessing to all of the people you love.
Look at the world through new eyes and begin to be happy and excited again because most of those diamonds are still there shining their brilliance into your life. But, all you have to do is take a second and REALLY see them so they can sparkle.
So, take a minute to stop and savor your blessings. Show your love and appreciation to someone you love and those are the diamonds that will shine in them long after you're gone. Those are the diamonds that last forever!

Susan Russo is fast becoming known as a miracle worker in transforming people's lives. She has the ability to turn negative circumstances into life changing opportunities. No matter where you are in life, if you want to change your life, she is the go to coach. To learn more about Susan's products and services go to: Susan's site. And, pick up a copy of her FREE ecourse too!

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Susan_Russo

Best 4 Anti-stress Gadgets

How do you deal with stress disorder? Do you go out with your friends? Do you treat yourself to a massage or spa?
It is very important you can find a breather every day, at least for 15 minutes. You should never allow stress to get the best of you. Stress often leads to a weaker immune system and emotional imbalance. It has been proven that stress is a common trigger among wide varieties of diseases and mental disorders such as depression and anxiety.
However, you do not need to spend a lot of money just to get over stress. One of the best ways to beat it is to buy anti-stress gadgets.
Stress Balls
Stress balls are extremely common you can already find them in all shapes and colors. They may even be available in themes, such as food, trade and construction, medical, sports, automotive, or food.
A stress ball is small, enough to fit the size of your palm, and soft. It works by giving you an outlet to de-stress. When you are under a huge amount of stress, you can just grab the ball and squeeze it. Squeezing allows you to transfer your stress from your body to the ball. You will also notice your heart rate slowing down, and your muscles beginning to loosen.
Wham-it
Get some stress relief with Wham-it. Wham-it has been around for more than 20 decades, and thousands have already benefited from it. It is hip, it is fun, it is cool, and it fits perfectly on your desk.
Wham-it is a miniature version of a punching bag. It is shaped like a bowling pin, with the punching marker designated by the anti-stress sign. The punching bag is inflatable and is made stable by its filling, which is sand.
Anti-stress Sign
You can do all sorts of crazy things when you are under a high level of stress. You can sing, laugh, cry, and, yes, bang your head on the desk.
Just for fun, though, get your own anti-stress sign. It is a marker you can display right on your desk. It is special because it has one specific instruction: locate the circle and bang your head until you knock yourself unconscious.
Of course, taking things too literally can be extremely harmful for you. It is enough that the anti-stress sign tickles you to the bones.
Darts
A dart is actually a very good stress reliever, especially if you are angry at someone. If your boss has been picking on you for days, you can proudly attach his picture in the dart board and “kill him” with every dart throw.
And if this is not fun enough for you, have your colleagues come over. You can consider the game as your covert operation of getting even with your boss. Just make sure no one squeals.
Reducing stress with these toys will further work if you combine them with subliminal messages. They are excellent for emotional and mental uplift. They ensure you do not lose your sense of self even when stressed.

article source :  http://www.selfgrowth.com/articles/best-4-anti-stress-gadgets

Psychological Properties Of Colours

"Color has power. It can stimulate or sedate, excite or calm,

feel hot or cold, irritate or bring pleasure, generate feelings

of passion or uplift us spiritually. Understanding color

opens a newdimension to our awareness.

Color Your LIfe, Howard & Dorothy Sun

GREEN. Balance

Positive: Harmony, balance, refreshment, universal love, rest, restoration, reassurance, environmental awareness, equilibrium, peace.
Negative: Boredom, stagnation, blandness, enervation.
Green strikes the eye in such a way as to require no adjustment whatever and is, therefore, restful. Being in the centre of the spectrum, it is the colour of balance - a more important concept than many people realise. When the world about us contains plenty of green, this indicates the presence of water, and little danger of famine, so we are reassured by green, on a primitive level. Negatively, it can indicate stagnation and, incorrectly used, will be perceived as being too bland.


VIOLET. Spiritual
Positive: Spiritual awareness, containment, vision, luxury, authenticity, truth, quality.
Negative: Introversion, decadence, suppression, inferiority.

The shortest wavelength is violet, often described as purple. It takes awareness to a higher level of thought, even into the realms of spiritual values. It is highly introvertive and encourages deep contemplation, or meditation. It has associations with royalty and usually communicates the finest possible quality. Being the last visible wavelength before the ultra-violet ray, it has associations with time and space and the cosmos. Excessive use of purple can bring about too much introspection and the wrong tone of it communicates something cheap and nasty, faster than any other colour.


RED. Physical
Positive: Physical courage, strength, warmth, energy, basic survival, 'fight or flight', stimulation, masculinity, excitement.
Negative: Defiance, aggression, visual impact, strain.
Being the longest wavelength, red is a powerful colour. Although not technically the most visible, it has the property of appearing to be nearer than it is and therefore it grabs our attention first. Hence its effectiveness in traffic lights the world over. Its effect is physical; it stimulates us and raises the pulse rate, giving the impression that time is passing faster than it is. It relates to the masculine principle and can activate the "fight or flight" instinct. Red is strong, and very basic. Pure red is the simplest colour, with no subtlety. It is stimulating and lively, very friendly. At the same time, it can be perceived as demanding and aggressive.



YELLOW. Emotional
Positive: Optimism, confidence, self-esteem, extraversion, emotional strength, friendliness, creativity.
Negative: Irrationality, fear, emotional fragility, depression, anxiety, suicide.
The yellow wavelength is relatively long and essentially stimulating. In this case the stimulus is emotional, therefore yellow is the strongest colour, psychologically. The right yellow will lift our spirits and our self-esteem; it is the colour of confidence and optimism. Too much of it, or the wrong tone in relation to the other tones in a colour scheme, can cause self-esteem to plummet, giving rise to fear and anxiety. Our "yellow streak" can surface.


ORANGE.
Positive: Physical comfort, food, warmth, security, sensuality, passion, abundance, fun.
Negative: Deprivation, frustration, frivolity, immaturity.
Since it is a combination of red and yellow, orange is stimulating and reaction to it is a combination of the physical and the emotional. It focuses our minds on issues of physical comfort - food, warmth, shelter etc. - and sensuality. It is a 'fun' colour. Negatively, it might focus on the exact opposite - deprivation. This is particularly likely when warm orange is used with black. Equally, too much orange suggests frivolity and a lack of serious intellectual values.


PINK.
Positive: Physical tranquillity, nurture, warmth, femininity, love, sexuality, survival of the species.
Negative: Inhibition, emotional claustrophobia, emasculation, physical weakness.
Being a tint of red, pink also affects us physically, but it soothes, rather than stimulates. (Interestingly, red is the only colour that has an entirely separate name for its tints. Tints of blue, green, yellow, etc. are simply called light blue, light greenetc.) Pink is a powerful colour, psychologically. It represents the feminine principle, and survival of the species; it is nurturing and physically soothing. Too much pink is physically draining and can be somewhat emasculating.


GREY.
Positive: Psychological neutrality.
Negative: Lack of confidence, dampness, depression, hibernation, lack of energy.
Pure grey is the only colour that has no direct psychological properties. It is, however, quite suppressive. A virtual absence of colour is depressing and when the world turns grey we are instinctively conditioned to draw in and prepare for hibernation. Unless the precise tone is right, grey has a dampening effect on other colours used with it. Heavy use of grey usually indicates a lack of confidence and fear of exposure.



BLUE. Intellectual.
Positive: Intelligence, communication, trust, efficiency, serenity, duty, logic, coolness, reflection, calm.
Negative: Coldness, aloofness, lack of emotion, unfriendliness.
Blue is the colour of the mind and is essentially soothing; it affects us mentally, rather than the physical reaction we have to red. Strong blues will stimulate clear thought and lighter, soft blues will calm the mind and aid concentration. Consequently it is serene and mentally calming. It is the colour of clear communication. Blue objects do not appear to be as close to us as red ones. Time and again in research, blue is the world's favourite colour. However, it can be perceived as cold, unemotional and unfriendly.


BLACK.
Positive: Sophistication, glamour, security, emotional safety, efficiency, substance.
Negative: Oppression, coldness, menace, heaviness.
Black is all colours, totally absorbed. The psychological implications of that are considerable. It creates protective barriers, as it absorbs all the energy coming towards you, and it enshrouds the personality. Black is essentially an absence of light, since no wavelengths are reflected and it can, therefore be menacing; many people are afraid of the dark. Positively, it communicates absolute clarity, with no fine nuances. It communicates sophistication and uncompromising excellence and it works particularly well with white. Black creates a perception of weight and seriousness.
It is a myth that black clothes are slimming:


WHITE.
Positive: Hygiene, sterility, clarity, purity, cleanness, simplicity, sophistication, efficiency.
Negative: Sterility, coldness, barriers, unfriendliness, elitism.
Just as black is total absorption, so white is total reflection. In effect, it reflects the full force of the spectrum into our eyes. Thus it also creates barriers, but differently from black, and it is often a strain to look at. It communicates, "Touch me not!" White is purity and, like black, uncompromising; it is clean, hygienic, and sterile. The concept of sterility can also be negative. Visually, white gives a heightened perception of space. The negative effect of white on warm colours is to make them look and feel garish.

BROWN.
Positive: Seriousness, warmth, Nature, earthiness, reliability, support.
Negative: Lack of humour, heaviness, lack of sophistication.
Brown usually consists of red and yellow, with a large percentage of black. Consequently, it has much of the same seriousness as black, but is warmer and softer. It has elements of the red and yellow properties. Brown has associations with the earth and the natural world. It is a solid, reliable colour and most people find it quietly supportive - more positively than the ever-popular black, which is suppressive, rather than supportive.

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