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Your Biggest Fear Is Not What You Think

Not every day is blue sky and sunshine. Clouds move in, sometimes really dark ones. Life is dynamic and we're all in practice. Are you afraid of dark clouds? Do you pretend they're not there? Do you look away? Do you go out of your way to avoid them - maybe staying inside, closing all the doors and windows, and turning on all the lights? Life is to be lived, not avoided, and lived well you will engage some dark clouds.
I once had the feeling my life was like a big jet liner slowly losing altitude on a crash course with the mountains. There I was on this jet that was "going down" and I was doing all I could to relax, to feel good, to go with the flow, to release, etc. I was doing everything I knew to transform my experience, I knew all the tricks in the book, but nothing was working. The jet was on a crash course and there was nothing I could do about it.
What was I really afraid of? What was I trying to avoid?
This terrifying feeling was made worse by the fact I am supposed to be an inspiring teacher with my life "all together." However, as this jet was dropping, I realized I am not the teacher that denies life can be difficult and pretends that challenging moments and times don't exist. What I do teach is allowing and trusting, being there and being present. Being strong in your weakest moments by being weak, by being scared, by not knowing, and by just allowing.
Striving to escape the terrifying experience and feelings of impending doom is just old fear-based need for control. When we are afraid, we hate it, so we try to escape by gaining control. The fact we are afraid is a RED FLAG indicating an opportunity for transformation. The extent to which you can ALLOW and BE WITH the fear in the challenging times of your life is the extent to which you will powerfully move through these times. In a paradoxical kind of way, this is being weak in a powerful way.
If you are up to creating anything in your life that is truly challenging, for example your true life's purpose and mission, you will face ups AND downs. There will be numerous challenges and some dark clouds on the path. Your ability to ALLOW and BE WITH yourself in the midst of these challenges, or down times, just may be THE most important and powerful life skill you can develop.
Here's the key: It's not the "thing out there" you are afraid of, you are actually afraid of YOUR RESPONSE TO THAT THING. This is important. You are afraid that you won't be able to handle YOUR EXPERIENCE of that thing happening. The good news is that while you may not have control over what happens "out there" to you, YOU DEFINITELY HAVE CONTROL OVER YOUR RESPONSE AND HOW YOU EXPERIENCE IT.
"If you are distressed by anything external, the pain is not due to the thing itself but to your own estimate of it; and this you have the power to revoke at any moment." Marcus Aurelius
The bottom line is: You will have times of weakness and fear, but don't let them have YOU. Empower yourself and instead of fighting, resisting, or avoiding, choose to let them TOTALLY HAVE YOU. Choose to let them pass on through. It's still scary, it's still challenging, you will still want to escape it and change it, but there is a part of you that lives on a higher plane of awareness (especially after having read this!), that knows "this too shall pass." The river of life is always flowing, the scenery constantly changing, whether you're paddling or not! It's a practice that gets easier each time; you become aware of those challenging moments of fear, and you can recognize and allow them.
And guess what? Somehow the jet magically got fixed, right in mid air. I took my seat in first class, knowing with confidence once again that all is well and I'm right on course.
As human beings we love the excitement of varied and challenging experiences; few of us would be satisfied with a boring, simple life that involves none of the pain involved in growing. We may think that what we want is to avoid challenges, pain, and suffering, but what we actually want is the POWER TO BE WITH whatever may come--including great challenge, pain, and suffering.
Take a look for yourself right now. What do you REALLY want--no pain, suffering, or challenge? Or the power to be with whatever may come? Connect with your heart and look deeply--which position resonates as the more powerful place to be? What resonates as a life well lived? What resonates more as the truth of the path rather than a hopeful fantasy?
I think if you allow yourself to look deeply, what you'll discover is that what we want is to be the container within which these experiences can be held, to be big enough to allow and experience them, without shrinking away. The larger opportunity - and dare I say it, the reality of the path - is to embrace and allow, so that when they do show up (and they will), you can have the experience, rather than it having you. This is true freedom, and with true freedom comes true power.
Try this:
Look into your life and make a list of the things you are afraid of. You can look at anything you may be putting off or procrastinating doing. These are signs of fear lurking in the background. Why are you putting off this something? What are you afraid of? Make your list.
Once you have your list, look at each item and ask yourself, "Am I really afraid of this bad thing happening? Or am I more afraid that I can't and won't be able to handle it if it does happen? If I knew that I could handle this bad thing if it happened, would that decrease my fear of it happening?
Notice what you notice.
Congratulations - you're one step closer to your mojo!
Roger Kenneth Marsh is a Spiritual Life Coach & creator of the Major Good Mojo System. He has an engineering degree, MBA, is a Certified Life Coach, HeartMath® Provider, and Passion Test® Facilitator. Get his book "NexGen Human" on, and FREE CD "3 Keys to Major Good Mojo" at
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